By Jamie Neben

I’m not sure if we are running out of subjects to research, or questions to ask people, but when I peruse the news throughout the day, I’m finding more and more stories announcing the results of some study that was just undertaken.  I’m becoming less convinced with each article that these projects are necessary, let alone newsworthy.  I recall my initial shock when I heard about the money being spent to study belching cows; I later realized the value upon the learning about the environmental impact.  I’m not sure I’ll ever discover the value in some of the things I read today.

For starters, I was told this morning that swearing will make pain more tolerable.  What the hell? Tell us something we don’t know!  After checking on the Justice Sotomayor confirmation hearing, I browsed through a few more headlines and got stopped in my tracks by a real jaw-dropper.  It turns out that cats control humans with the sound of their meows.  Ten different kitties participated in the trial, which  included 50 people.  I’m sure glad I found out before I got one of those conniving feline creatures of my own!  Finally, after getting a few “boring” updates about health care and the budget deficit, I came across a survey released by Indiana University that actually got my attention.  I won’t go into details here, but you can look it up.  Let’s just say it’s something that would have certainly earned the praise of the late Dr. Kinsey.

So, as long as we keep coming up with new ideas, let me propose a few of my own.

Where is the optimal location to park one’s car when bird activity is overhead? 

Talk is cheap, but exactly how cheap?  What is the dollar value?  Is it different than cheap applause?

How many years will a Chicago Cubs fan keep watching the team before finally admitting they’re cursed? (Note:  I’m personally taking part in this one).

We have more important things to talk about on this website, so I’ll stop this nonsense right now.  Besides, I’d like to enjoy the glass of red wine that, according to the latest medical journal, doctors still recommend I drink every day.