By Jamie Neben
I’m not sure if we are running out of subjects to research, or questions to ask people, but when I peruse the news throughout the day, I’m finding more and more stories announcing the results of some study that was just undertaken. I’m becoming less convinced with each article that these projects are necessary, let alone newsworthy. I recall my initial shock when I heard about the money being spent to study belching cows; I later realized the value upon the learning about the environmental impact. I’m not sure I’ll ever discover the value in some of the things I read today.
For starters, I was told this morning that swearing will make pain more tolerable. What the hell? Tell us something we don’t know! After checking on the Justice Sotomayor confirmation hearing, I browsed through a few more headlines and got stopped in my tracks by a real jaw-dropper. It turns out that cats control humans with the sound of their meows. Ten different kitties participated in the trial, which included 50 people. I’m sure glad I found out before I got one of those conniving feline creatures of my own! Finally, after getting a few “boring” updates about health care and the budget deficit, I came across a survey released by Indiana University that actually got my attention. I won’t go into details here, but you can look it up. Let’s just say it’s something that would have certainly earned the praise of the late Dr. Kinsey.
So, as long as we keep coming up with new ideas, let me propose a few of my own.
Where is the optimal location to park one’s car when bird activity is overhead?
Talk is cheap, but exactly how cheap? What is the dollar value? Is it different than cheap applause?
How many years will a Chicago Cubs fan keep watching the team before finally admitting they’re cursed? (Note: I’m personally taking part in this one).
We have more important things to talk about on this website, so I’ll stop this nonsense right now. Besides, I’d like to enjoy the glass of red wine that, according to the latest medical journal, doctors still recommend I drink every day.
Dissin’ scientific research? When did you become a Palin fan?
Scientific research is important, and please excuse me if my statements seemed to dismiss it or treat it too casually. I’d argue that we should be kept even more informed about breakthroughs in science, medicine, and other fields of study. But some of these stories were almost painful to read…they made ME swear! And, you know what, I felt better afterward!
Own up, friend. Your comments didn’t “seem” dismissive. They were intended as such. I’m not a scientific researcher so any comments I might have about the various results of which you speak aren’t worth much, but it’s hard to dispute that the evolutionary path of understanding is one taken in baby steps. Criticism is deserved not where the results seem boring but, rather, where they appear pre-determined by the source of funding for the research.
Oh believe me, I don’t find most of these stories boring at all. Usually, they are somewhat interesting, and others even humorous, but all I’m saying is that they are getting stranger and stranger. Just to be clear though, I like to think of myself as a friend of science and I don’t want to do anything to impede the progress of it.
Oh, man. I was thinking of a snappy response and I caught the breaking news that Walter Cronkite died. Tremendously sad in its own right, but also a stark reminder that it’s not just money issues and changing public habits that are drowning modern journalism, but also, and more importantly, the commodification of news and facts that permeates today’s corporate media.